I must be the "mistake" reflection for her when she looks at me. I've never felt such contempt by anyone in my life like I do her. What did I do wrong. Why can't I just feel loved? Do you really hate me or do you hate what you never became. Do you hate what I can have? Oh please will you just love me. PLEASE please I beg you...
This never ending battle is like playing shoots and ladder when you are a kid. You could almost be safe and about to win the game, and then you get sent down some shoot forcing you all the way back to the beginning. After a while, going back to the beginning gets tiring. I want to know when is it time to forfeit? Will I ever really?? These thoughts wanting you to just free me makes me sad.
It has been like this for as long as I can remember. It is a cycle. This toxic battle I know I will lose to. Oh please, please just love me.
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