Battle Scars

Are they sexy?? I'm not talking about emotional wounds or any of that serious deep thought right now. I'm talking about real, raw, battle scars. Is it a sign of adventure? Do scars prove that someone lives life and accidentally got hurt (hopefully accidental) or are they a reminder of all the pain you endured while getting the scar.

I'm know I'm about to have a scar and while all I can remember at this point is how angry I was when I saw the box cutter, there is the plus side of coning the doctor in prescribing just about 20 more Darvocets than necessary.

So I ask you what do you think about scars???

PMDD or just plain ol' PMS??

I'm usually not that bad during that time of the month but 2-3 times a year I get the privilege of having the worst cramps and becoming the biggest biatch. It's all a reminder that I am women, right?

Today I have a friend arriving from Arizona. I can tell now that I should feel bad for him. Maybe if I just keep my self hydrated with plenty of alcohol I should be OK!

I don't use the excuse of "the time of the month" but when I do it means serious business. It means that I am in horrible pain and it feels like someone is stabbing me from the outside in. Yes, stabbing pain coming from an area that should feel pleasure! It means that everything you do is going to annoy me, extremely. It means leave me alone and when I say nothing is wrong. It means that I really really don't want to talk about how much of a bitch I'm being. It means don't blow your smoke in my face and don't talk to me unless I initiated conversation. It also means that if you ask me a question, be prepared for raw truth.

OK so I think the PMS has subsided for now although my roomie just gave me a kiss on the cheek and I yelled at him to get his slobbery lips away from me...oops! I can tell this is going to be one of those days where I can't even deal with myself!!

Meet my team. DA BEARS!

Meet my favorite and the best team in the whole world:) We are 2008 Superbowl bound!




Click here for a printable Chicago Bears Schedule: http://assets.chicagobears.com/assets/team/07_cb_schedule.pdf

www.chicagobears.com

What is beautiful?

What is beautiful? How do I know if I am beautiful? Do I judge by what I am on the inside? We all know that in our society that is the biggest line of bullshit. I love it when people say, "everyone is beautiful" and then to their horror I say, "no, everyone is not". I'm obviously not basing that on knowing someones inner beauty because at first glace one can not tell such a thing.

For example lets say you walk into a bar. Usually most of the people I know including myself do not look at the 300 pound guy with the mullet style hair and say "wow, he is really beautiful". Our first reaction is to judge someone based on their looks. Another example being most single guys I know would totally sleep with the "beautiful girl with no brains" as opposed to the girl with the "beautiful personality". This is of course usually initial attraction because I also know that most guys are looking for more than just a pretty face when it comes to anything long term. Notice how I did not say they aren't looking for a pretty face. They are looking for a pretty face and then some.

I guess externally I do not think everyone is beautiful and I know beauty is so subjective but I want to know, physically what is beautiful to you??

Meet my roomie

Fabulous Ren with her fabulous and favorite mo' roomie, Christopher!

Give me life??

I must be the "mistake" reflection for her when she looks at me. I've never felt such contempt by anyone in my life like I do her. What did I do wrong. Why can't I just feel loved? Do you really hate me or do you hate what you never became. Do you hate what I can have? Oh please will you just love me. PLEASE please I beg you...

This never ending battle is like playing shoots and ladder when you are a kid. You could almost be safe and about to win the game, and then you get sent down some shoot forcing you all the way back to the beginning. After a while, going back to the beginning gets tiring. I want to know when is it time to forfeit? Will I ever really?? These thoughts wanting you to just free me makes me sad.

It has been like this for as long as I can remember. It is a cycle. This toxic battle I know I will lose to. Oh please, please just love me.

Pizza Luce

Preface - I wrote this when I got home from the party and to protect the authenticity of this post, I'm leaving it with all the spelling/grammatical errors!

I went to Pizza Luce tonight. It was a good friends birthday party and we all had way to much to drink. I thought the best thing to do was to have everyone eat. Of course I just watched them all eat the greasy pizza and took bites of the salad I ordered.

There were these guys next to our table. One guy was really attractive but he was with a beautiful girl so I was careful not to flirt too much. I overheard him say, "That cute girl with the green jacket is smiling at me" and I looked over. We made eye contact and he asked me, "Were you smiling at me?".

I'm not quite sure what came over me but I said, "This is a sad night for us...". He asked why and I told him that I was celebrating the loss of my ex. I told him that my ex used to take me here and I wanted to come back to remember him. He got really quite and said, "I'm sorry, I will let you be".

Yes that is what I wanted but then it dawned on me, I was reflecting on a loss and well that place does remind me of him. I know it was wrong of me to say someone died when really then only died in my heart but that was the only way I knew how to describe how I was feeling.

UPDATE - "Shit's a Small World" blog!

Check it out!! I am posting the guy's number who wants me to shit on him. I am posting his number in case anyone wants to take him up on his offer or just tell him what a piece of shit he his, pun totally intended.

His name is Tatum. If I see him at the Saloon again I will take a picture of him and post it as well. He is about 5'7 (yes I know, way too fucking short for me); he has an olive complexion like me, nice build, brown hair, dark eyes, and distinct jaw line. HE COULD BE HOT IF HE WASN'T SUCH A FREAK!

Here is what I know about his so far:

• He wants someone to tie him up and shit in his mouth. Not on, in!


• He would like it if a girl would wear spandex or anything to make their butts look bigger


• He offered to do male stripping at a low cost or in return for favors


• He wants to have two girls preferable shit in his mouth and he will bet you $1000.00 that he can eat it all w/out throwing up. If he gets sick you get the money.
  

So ladies (maybe men too) call TATUM @ 612.385.5633!!!!!

For those of you who didn't watch the GOP presidential candidate debate, here is the "crinkly wrinkly" candidate I speak about. Yes the debate was really hard for me to sit through without wanting to throw things at the TV after some of the things I was hearing. I felt that it was only fair for me to be 100% informed on all the possibilities.

Anyways below is link to Tommy Thompson who said that he supports individual companies having the right to chose to fire an employee based on their sexual orientation.

Actually here is what he said verbatim:

Moderator: I'm sorry, we have to go on. We have to go on.

Governor Thompson, same theme. If a private employer finds homosexuality immoral, should he be allowed to fire a gay worker?

Thompson: I think that is left up to the individual business. I really sincerely believe that that is an issue that business people have got to make their own determination as to whether or not they should be.

Moderator: OK. So the answer's yes.

Thompson: Yes.

Below are the links for the GOP debate transcripts AND Tommy Thompson. Learn his face now so we won't have to see more of it later!!!

***Click below to watch the video***



http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18478985/page/8/

http://www.tommy2008.com/Home.aspx

Directions Please

It is what it is. It is exactly what it has always been. This winding path of mine keeps me constantly changing directions. Speed up, slow down, stay idle, change lanes, make a u-turn. If there is a meaning please don't tell me because I'm not quite there yet.

I hate getting lost. I'm not one to stop for directions and I seem to keep wasting gas. It gets filled up only to be on empty again. There is meaning. I know that there has to be. I just can't see where I'm going yet. I see the silver spoon with the big red cherry but I know I am too far away. Everywhere that I want to go is so far out of sight. I left you behind. I left. I keep taking all these left turns and I'm wondering if one day they will lead back to you. Can the place I stopped for directions on the side of the road, still be there when I turn around and try to make it back. Will you still be there?

I'm lost. Lost again and yet I can still see the cherry. I look at on my now imaginary balcony and I think of the "views". Yes, I still think I was going the right directions then. Why did you have to take that one way. Why did we ever leave that parking garage. Then I think of the two hour wait and I wonder if you were stopped there for a reason.

Please let me make it back home. I don't have a time frame but I know there is one according to the gas light. Please don't leave me too far behind...

Immigration Anyone?

Below is what I read on a friends blog:

Ok, here it is. Yes, at one point in time, our families were immigrants. Most of us are at least 3 generation Americans. When our ancestors moved to the West, the new nation of America did not have the technology to keep track of all those arriving on our soil. Even with that however, most of our ancestors still filled out the proper paperwork and passed the exams to become "citizens" of the United States. By doing so, this gave them "human rights" and the option to vote and obtain civil services...

Now, I love all different peoples and cultures BUT, I have absolutley no pity for any illegal immigrant thinking they should receive the same rights as me. I would have absolutely no problem with deporting every single last illegal immigrant in America, peacefully or by force. These people could simply turn right back around and come back to America "legally".

Maybe the stereotypical bottom feeding free handout taking "the man done me wrong" americans would then have more opportunity for employment? Maybe cut welfare in half? Maybe pay our nations debts back more rapidly? Maybe up the average intelligence of our unbelievably ignorant nation?

And ever think WHY the mexican people want to move to America so bad? Maybe it has something to do with THEIR GOVERNMENT!!

While its on my mind, if you work for a company that insists no hats. THAT INCLUDES TURBANS! TAKE THAT FUCKING HAT OFF! IS WEARING A RAG ON YOUR HEAD THAT IMPORTANT? SOME THOUSAND YEAR OLD ANCIENT SPECIAL RITUAL? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU RELIGIOUS RADICALS! NOTHING IS PROVEN! YOU'RE BELIEVING IN A "WHAT IF"!!!!

My Response:

First of all becoming a "citizen" of the USA does not give someone human rights. Human rights are the basic rights and freedoms to which all humans are entitled, often held to include the right to life and liberty, freedom of thought and expression, and equality before the law. Maybe you meant US "citizenship" which give them attendant duties, rights, and privileges???

Christopher have you actually taken a look and reviewed the welfare status? Unless you plan on working in a field or doing physical labor somewhere at someone's home, I doubt they are taking jobs from you. Even McDonald's and Taco Bell can't hire someone who is illegal so please give me a break with that one.

According to the statistics, whites form the largest racial group on welfare; half of all welfare recipients leave in the first two years; and teenagers form less than 8 percent of all welfare mothers. (http://www.huppi.com/kangaroo/L-welfareblack.htm). Also did you know that you have to have resident status to apply for most of those programs. Guess that eliminates most of the "illegal aliens." As far as the nations debt, it sure does cost a lot of money and human sacrifice to protect oil. Maybe we should just send all the "illegals" over there and have them die????

Did you ever stop to think why so many other countries HATE us? Other countries such as Canada, France, and yes even Cuba can not fathom why we don't have universal health care to take care of our own people but we are willing to spend millions of dollars to keep "illegals" out.

Last, you wrote about Americans having "human rights" and civil liberties. One of the great things about living in America is we are protected by something called the US constitution. Freedom of religion is a guarantee by a government for freedom of belief for individuals and freedom of worship for individuals and groups. It is generally recognized to also include the freedom not to follow any religion (irreligion) and not to believe in any god (atheism or agnosticism). Religious toleration is the condition of accepting or permitting others' religious beliefs and practices which disagree with one's own. Freedom of religion is considered by many in Western nations to be a fundamental human right.

In my opinion one of the best things about living in America is that we are entitled to our own beliefs. I only question ignorance and encourage you to take a look at where your beliefs come from. Research fact from fiction!!!

What do you think???

Shits a small world after all!

Ok so just when I thought I've already attracted all the freaks, I am proven wrong, yet again!!! I met this guy a while back playing poker and he asked for my number. I usually never ever give out my real number at a bar/club but he asked me for it in the middle of my game so I must have screwed up and given him the real number.

He's called me like 4 times and I've never returned his calls. Anyways today I got two calls from a number that I didn't know but I was really busy with work. This number appeared again at around 7pm and I needed a break anyways so I answered.

I've had a long day so I wasn't all that excited to chat as it was. He proceeded to tell me that he just won 10K at the casino. I, being a gambler, got excited for him and congratulated him. He then tells me that he's going to pay my rent next month and at first I'm obviously hesitant. I'm schooled enough in the ways of men to know that nothing is really free. Then I thought, screw it, if he really wants to pay my rent, go right ahead!!! It's not like I have to do anything for it, RIGHT???

So he asks me what I'm doing and I tell him I'm working and have had a long day. Then he wants to know if I'm interested in making another thousand dollars on top of my rent. The first thing I asked him is what I'd have to do for it.

Ok, brace yourself for what comes next because I've never in my entire life ever been prepared for a serious question such as this...


He wants to know if I will tie him up and defecate on his face.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GROSS, and of course I immediately say no. I asked him if he was kidding. He then said, "You mean, you wouldn't do it?".

Yeah, um I think that's about the time I hung up the phone and realized I really am in dating hell!!

Welcome to my new world!!

Hello!!! I've finally decided to get my own "grown up" blog! I have been encouraged to do this for a while as I usually blog a lot on my MySpace page but seriously there is only so much I want to share with that world.

Anyways I am going to cheat and put up a few of my achieved blogs from MySpace in hopes you can get to know me a little bit better. I will update and add to this as often as I can.

xoxo,

Ren