Ok so yes I'm looking to you to tell me if my hormones or being out of wack or if I have a valid point.
We all know I went to my initial appointment alone and don't get me wrong it was by choice. I could have scheduled it differently to have baby daddy come with me or I could have easily asked a friend to go. No, I really did want to go alone. There were still so many answers that I myself needed to conclude.
My second appointment is what I'm asking you all about. I know I haven't really talked about the father a lot or even voiced his opinions. Those are two things that I will try to keep private as much as possible. I obviously don't have a problem sharing my most personal issues but I know not everyone is like that and so I want to respect privacy.
Anyways...my big dilemma is whether or not to allow "him" to be present at the second appointment and first ultrasound where we actually hear the heartbeat.
My biggest issue is that he has expressed going because he feels he "should" and not that he necessarily "wants" to. Am I being too sensitive by getting upset that he doesn't want to! Should I let him be apart of it in hopes that obligation will lead to a want? I guess deep down in side I'm just not sure I could handle rejection at this point. What if it freaks him out? What if he gets scared and just decides to bail.
Either way, what do you think? Am I being too harsh by not allowing him to go until I know he "wants" to???
We all know I went to my initial appointment alone and don't get me wrong it was by choice. I could have scheduled it differently to have baby daddy come with me or I could have easily asked a friend to go. No, I really did want to go alone. There were still so many answers that I myself needed to conclude.
My second appointment is what I'm asking you all about. I know I haven't really talked about the father a lot or even voiced his opinions. Those are two things that I will try to keep private as much as possible. I obviously don't have a problem sharing my most personal issues but I know not everyone is like that and so I want to respect privacy.
Anyways...my big dilemma is whether or not to allow "him" to be present at the second appointment and first ultrasound where we actually hear the heartbeat.
My biggest issue is that he has expressed going because he feels he "should" and not that he necessarily "wants" to. Am I being too sensitive by getting upset that he doesn't want to! Should I let him be apart of it in hopes that obligation will lead to a want? I guess deep down in side I'm just not sure I could handle rejection at this point. What if it freaks him out? What if he gets scared and just decides to bail.
Either way, what do you think? Am I being too harsh by not allowing him to go until I know he "wants" to???
10 comments:
Your feelings are important right now, but I think you should leave the door open for him to come if he choses (just don't make him feel like he has to).
It'll suck if he doesn't go, but just keep reminding yourself that its a very real possibility that he doesn't want to. Some guys are just a*sholes.
Valley I so appreciate your support!! I was actually thinking I was the one being an asshole.
He feels he "should" go. Why can't that just suffice for me??
Mmm. Hello! I don't know you! So I should probably keep my mouth shut. But it's a blog, so I guess I can comment! I think you should give him the option but be mellow about it. Who knows how he really feels inside. Maybe he really wants to go but is not making a big deal because he thinks you don't want him to. Maybe he's somewhat indifferent but will feel more after the appointment (it happens, even to mothers). Men suppress their emotions so often. You don't want to assume anything. I'm sure you want as much involvement as possible for the sake of the child so always leave the door very open, IMHO. Good luck!!!!
Thanks Wendyb! Of course you can comment. That is why I blog!
It's good to hear other peoples point of view, especially now when it's so hard to measure my own rational!
I agree with vally girl..
Let him be apart of it. U see, we all have different way of saying things, may be this is his way. And U already know if he will bail out or not....
Also, I do share your concern and really do see problematic when he says he should..rather "I wouldn't miss it for the world".
Yeah Dem you are right! I'm just not so sure that will happend. This sure is becomming quite the fiasco!!
Wow, this is rough!
As a completely random person that reads your blog, I think that you need to do what is right for you.
I have a few wonderful girlfriends that don't have fathers in their lives because of situations like this, and they turned out amazing.
However, if he does want to be a part of it, maybe it is a good thing to let him come along regardless of the reason he wants to be included.
Love your blog, btw!
Ok, having been through this many a times...sadly...you have to make him come, even if he didnt "want" to, he still needs to whether you or him like it or not...now its not about you and him anymore...its about this baby you are having together, and it didnt take only one to make it...its a journey and you need to experience it together, not alone, its not fair to you, for you, or for your child... yeah being pregnant and your hormones everywhere is not fun, and no matter how much you dislike him oneday and want him there ever so badly the next, you need to let him be there whenever he wants to or even if he feels he has to. He will change the more he sees you change...for God sakes, you have his child growing inside you and there is nothing he will find more beautiful than you growing as his child grows with you...I understand your feelings but you cant deny him of what he feels he should do...just cus his baby is in you doesnt mean he doesnt have any rights...if it was the other way around Im sure you would want to be there for the woman you got pregnant...even if you werent sure what the hell was goin on...and trust me Renata when I tell you this...when he hears the heartbeat and sees the ultrasound and finds out the sex and sees the lil legs, arms, face and everything, he WILL CRY...no matter how much man he has in him...this day will be his breaking point of realization of what is to come and what is happening...and he will understand that it is REAL...I love ya girl and just be open with him, cus just as much as you dont know what is going on...neither does he...keep open communication always...because some things that you are feeling, he may just be feeling the same way...Muah!...stay strong and healthy and keep eatin ur bacon!...
Hope the week went well.
Keep your head up.
d-sheezy - Thank you so much. I am truly flattered:)
anonymous - Very heartfelt. I really appreciate it and because I know who you are, I have to say thank you so much! I know you know this isn't easy and I love how open you are with me. You are a great friend. One that I would totally invite into my bio world!
Dem - I so needed that! Thanks and I am doing my best to keep it held high.
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