"How wrong it is for woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than set out to create it herself.." Anis Nin
This quote really struck a cord with me as I read it. I found myself reading it over and over again each time with more of a sense of empowerment. Growing up it seems that little girls including myself hear that we need to find a doctor or lawyer to marry so they can take care of us. It is almost like we are taught even in the current year of 2007 that we need to find a man to take care of us. As if we find someone with money all our dreams will be fulfilled. No one ever told me "Renata, became a doctor or a lawyer and make all the money in the world so that you can find a man and take care of him...". I wonder sometimes if it is just the fact that as a female it is natural for people to assume we need to be taken care of. It seems almost outrageous for a father to tell his son to go find the richest women so he can make babies and then stay home and be the homemaker. I guess maybe in this day and age it is more acceptable to have the father stay home but you should get my gist. The point is I feel I've placed to much importance of finding the right guy vs. finding what is right for me.
I've placed a lot of emphasis on finding myself over the last year and a half. I happened to find one person in that time that I've had strong feelings for but the nice thing about that is that I didn't have all those things telling me that I need to find someone because of x y and z. I felt secure alone for the first time in well...ever!
My question at the end of this is:
What restrictions have you felt placed upon you when it came to following your dreams vs. following what family/outside influence imposed on you?
This quote really struck a cord with me as I read it. I found myself reading it over and over again each time with more of a sense of empowerment. Growing up it seems that little girls including myself hear that we need to find a doctor or lawyer to marry so they can take care of us. It is almost like we are taught even in the current year of 2007 that we need to find a man to take care of us. As if we find someone with money all our dreams will be fulfilled. No one ever told me "Renata, became a doctor or a lawyer and make all the money in the world so that you can find a man and take care of him...". I wonder sometimes if it is just the fact that as a female it is natural for people to assume we need to be taken care of. It seems almost outrageous for a father to tell his son to go find the richest women so he can make babies and then stay home and be the homemaker. I guess maybe in this day and age it is more acceptable to have the father stay home but you should get my gist. The point is I feel I've placed to much importance of finding the right guy vs. finding what is right for me.
I've placed a lot of emphasis on finding myself over the last year and a half. I happened to find one person in that time that I've had strong feelings for but the nice thing about that is that I didn't have all those things telling me that I need to find someone because of x y and z. I felt secure alone for the first time in well...ever!
My question at the end of this is:
What restrictions have you felt placed upon you when it came to following your dreams vs. following what family/outside influence imposed on you?
6 comments:
My family wanted both for me- to be a doctor/lawyer and to marry one as well. Needless to say, they've been quite disappointed with my choices as of late.
You are wise beyond your years!
I'm a firm believer in following dreams regardless of support from family and friends.
If my son grew up and told me that he was going to NYC to sell paintings on the street - I'd support him because I understand how important dreams are.
(ie.)
I'm a semi-professional billiards player. When I was in my first magazine (National Billiard News), an owner of a poolhall told me to take it home and show my parents.
The reaction was not quite what I was looking for. My parents told me that there were "alot of names in there" and pushed it aside.
I've been in newspaper and magazine articles since then and actually had to quit showing them because I was so proud and it made me feel awful that they didn't feel the same way.
I've decided that I will support my son's dreams at all times. I don't care what they are. When you lose your dreams, you lose a part of yourself.
I'm motivated and strong enough to continue following my dreams with or without any support from friends or family.
Which is hard - but, satisfying.
(Dream on.)
For real, sex & small talk is the only thing those I meet want...ohhh wait, they don't count...they are college girls...
I agree with danelle, family/family/relatives are the last concern if you want to go after your dreams. Even thought, lately parents have been replaced by celebs culture. Its embarrassing to observe this celebrity obsessed, superficial outlook in some of our culture.
Valley Girl - The dissapointment is on them. Being the celibate lesbian I am now, I find myself falling in love with you, lol!
And really I only appear wise in writing. My choices tell another story;)
Danelle - Well said! It makes me happy to know that you are going to be differnt with your son in terms of "his" dreams than maybe your parents were with you. I've always believed myself that I won't be able to heal my own childhood wounds until I am a mother one day and choice to make differnt choices.
Dem - Enjoy those college days while they last...
Wow! That comment seriously hit home with me too. I did think I needed a doctor or lawyer when I grew into a mature adult. Now I just need them to take care of my finances and health, not my heart! Good luck with your pregnancy. Try to remember everything does happen for a reason. If you need to live vicariously through someone going through the dating crap check me out at http://www.jennycurl.com. It's the outrageously awful dates I've gone on and I think you will get a kick out of them!
Jenny - Thank you so much. Yes, of course I can't wait to read your blog b/c YES I am sure I will get a kick out of reading about your bad dates.
I appreciate the comment again and I can't wait to read more about your bad dates!!
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