September 5th, 2007

Preface - I wrote this the night I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't quite ready to share it then and who knows if I am even now...

Wow so much has happened in one evening. I never realized how one evening could change mine and someone else life in such a powerful and permanent way.

I was in a lot of pain most of the day. On Saturday during my walk in 3 inch heals to the bar, I fell on my tailbone and sprained my ankle. My ankle has been getting progressively better with ice but my back has become progressively worse. I started having back spasms and when even icing it didn't help, I thought maybe I should go have it looked at. The fact that I needed something and it was after urgent care hours prompted me to start crying and then decide to go to the ER.

I hate going to the hospital alone. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry. Maybe it's the fact that death, sadness, and pain are the only associations I have with hospitals. Maybe it's because I've never had a "good" experience at the hospital and the ER just seems so much more intensified. Being the baby that I was I called my friend Jehne crying and she immediately agreed to meet me at the hospital.

So I arrive at Abbott Northwestern only to find the waiting area jam packed. I waited for 2 hours just to be seen by an admitting nurse. She takes my vitals and half listens to what is wrong and then tells me it's going to be another 4 hours. At this point, I'm in tears. "What, four hours. I need pills and I need pain pills FAST!", but the nurse says there is nothing she can do until the doctor sees me, IN FOUR MORE HOURS. Jehne is grossed out by all the people and how dirty she feels from the hospital so she convinces me to go to Southdale in Edina. Fine with me, I think because it is cleaner and I knew the wait wouldn't be as long. I never in my life thought Southdale would end up having such significance.

Basically they do the same thing as Abbott did only I was in a much nicer hospital with nicer looking patients and the nurses were friendly and attentive. I guess it must have been pains from the four day holiday weekend because even Southdale was busy. The nurse told me the wait could be at least an hour. It wasn't an hour wait, it ended up being a 2 hour wait and by that time I knew Jehne had to leave as she had school early the next morning. I told Jehne to go home and I could just take a taxi home.

The doctor was so young looking. She had long dark hair, was trim, and had piercing blue eyes. I was enamored by her and she listened to me tell her what was wrong with me and how I felt. So her suggestion was to give me a muscle relaxer and something else for my possible stitches. She also said she wanted to do x-rays to make sure nothing was broken in my back. Because I was getting x-rays, she asked me when my last period was. I said, "July 4th" very casually. She just looked at me and said, "Is there a chance you could be pregnant".

I thought, no...no not really. I mean there was that one time but it can't happen from just one time, right. The doctor then told me that they were going to do a pregnancy test just in case before they do the x-rays. I really didn't think anything of it. I went and peed in a cup and then waited impatiently for the nurse to bring me my much needed muscle relaxers. I called my Dad and told him what was going on. I told him that I was tired and needed something for my back really bad. It was after midnight so I told my Dad I'd call him in the morning and not to worry. It felt like hours went by. I saw the nurse talking to my doctor but I thought she was probably just giving the nurse my prescription. The Doctor came back in my room and told me that they weren't going to be doing x-rays or giving me any pain meds because I was pregnant.

"What!! Are you sure. Was it my urine? Can you take another test?", I proceeded to ask. She said they were 99.9% accurate and that I could take a home pregnancy test when I got home if I wanted to. I started breathing really fast and heavy and then the only words in my vocabulary were "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit".

The doctor told me it wasn't the end of the world and you know what I agreed. I thought, these aren't the perfect circumstances but it's not like I'm not 26 years old and it's not like I can't take care of myself. He (baby daddy) was the last person on my mind. I mean telling him was a priority but it was also the biggest source of my anxiety! Thinking about telling him I began to feel myself hyperventilate.

I got up, got dressed and had to go pee. The doctor wanted me to wait for my discharge papers with instruction as she was writing one prescription for me. When I got back to my room, the first thing I did was call Jehne and tell her so she knew what was up and wouldn't worry. Then I tried calling my Cousin, Rosie, Amanda, and the list began. I knew instantly who I would and who I would not tell...